homehumor
Your Own Home Repairs: Do You Dare?
by Marjorie Dorfman
page 2

That was twelve years ago and I thought I had learned. I bought a new house and hired a contractor and spent a fortune on making it look as beautiful as I could afford. But a small bathroom on the first floor had wall-paper that made me itch whenever I looked at it. I decided to change it myself rather than bother my very busy boy-friend who lived in another state or call in a contractor for what he would certainly have considered to be a small job. I picked out the paper; an old fashioned white with a design they called a faux-tin motif. I bought the paper and the glue and the rollers and came home ready to begin.

It took a week-end to get the paper up. Part of me knew I was asking for trouble by defying the gods in such a disgraceful manner. It was almost like calling the Titanic unsinkable. It took me two weeks to get the ubiquitous glue that slid like an oil slick off my eye-lids, out of my hair and armpits. But I didn’t care if I was sticky. I had done it, and I had done it myself. I took a nap after I finished because I was too tired for words, and it was only when I awoke and looked at the paper again that my nightmare began. At a distance, everything looked fine; the edges were even and well attached to the glue. But closer scrutiny revealed that the design on the edges did not match! Alas, the fate of one who does not check the lot numbers on wallpaper. The rolls were similar but not the same. On one the design was bordered by a line; on the other two lines. One square contained an inner star, the other a circle. The whole room was a vicious hangover waiting to happen.

Can you guess what I did? That’s right. I called a contractor, went back to Home Depot and bought some more paper. This time I checked the lot numbers. Did I save any money? What do you think?

The morale of the story is that Oscar Wilde was right. There is only one sin and that is stupidity. If you can’t do it, what makes you think that trying to will help? If you don’t understand this logic, you should return with me to the screwdriver cocktail party where we will meet my friend, Molly, and we’ll all go for a manicure!



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